The following dialogue occurs between myself and my Maker on a fairly regular basis on my awaking first thing in the morning at the beginning of the working week.
ME: Jesus.
JESUS: Yes?
ME: Jesus. It's Monday.
JESUS: I know.
ME: You know what?
JESUS: I know that it's Monday. I have known it was Monday since the foundation of the world.
ME: And you couldn't have warned me?!?
Thus endeth the lesson.
Showing posts with label Irreverent Thinks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Irreverent Thinks. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Walking to Jerusalem
Given our cultural obsession with fitness, I think it important to note that this is not a conversation that one will read in the New Testament:
"And the Lord and his disciples did set off from Bethlehem at a gentle pace until they felt they had warmed up. Then Jesus did say unto his disciples, 'We shall now increase our pace until we have all reached our Target Heart Rate', and, so saying, He did set off at such a rate that the Twelve were hard pressed to maintain it, all except John, whom Jesus loved and would go running with early in the mornings.
Peter especially felt sore pressed, and did cry out unto the Lord, saying 'Lord, the Greeks have invented a wonderful system of movement which is called Pilates. We should go forth and try it.' Jesus replied unto him, saying, 'Verily, core strength is a good and necessary thing, but without cardio training, mankind will never rid himself of his excesses.' Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, pointed out to Jesus that they were all wearing robes that were pretty much one-size-fits-all, so perhaps a little excess was not all that bad.
"And the Lord and his disciples did set off from Bethlehem at a gentle pace until they felt they had warmed up. Then Jesus did say unto his disciples, 'We shall now increase our pace until we have all reached our Target Heart Rate', and, so saying, He did set off at such a rate that the Twelve were hard pressed to maintain it, all except John, whom Jesus loved and would go running with early in the mornings.
Peter especially felt sore pressed, and did cry out unto the Lord, saying 'Lord, the Greeks have invented a wonderful system of movement which is called Pilates. We should go forth and try it.' Jesus replied unto him, saying, 'Verily, core strength is a good and necessary thing, but without cardio training, mankind will never rid himself of his excesses.' Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, pointed out to Jesus that they were all wearing robes that were pretty much one-size-fits-all, so perhaps a little excess was not all that bad.
Jesus did not reply, but an angel of the Lord smote Judas on the back of his knee for this saying, bringing unto him shin splints, and athlete's foot for good measure."
Sunday, September 8, 2013
A Religious Thought
In church today, the responsive reading/sung response involved God asking the musical question, "Whom shall I send?"
I had a lot of fun pointing at random people in the congregation and saying, "Them, God. You should send them. The guy with the finger up his nose, or that lady in the upper right. They're the ones. I'll stay home and read an edifying book."
I obviously demonstrate a keen sense of religious duty. Of course, for all I know even some of the saints may have felt the same way. St. Francis at prayer may have sounded like Bill Cosby's "Noah" routine.
I had a lot of fun pointing at random people in the congregation and saying, "Them, God. You should send them. The guy with the finger up his nose, or that lady in the upper right. They're the ones. I'll stay home and read an edifying book."
I obviously demonstrate a keen sense of religious duty. Of course, for all I know even some of the saints may have felt the same way. St. Francis at prayer may have sounded like Bill Cosby's "Noah" routine.
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